Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
