i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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