It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
