i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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