She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
