Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
