Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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