69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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