I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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