Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
