All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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