i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
