How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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