It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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