I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
