So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
