I want to make a zoo with you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
