If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
