I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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