we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
