Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
