'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
