Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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