she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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