some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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