guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
