I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
