mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
