Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
