Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
