are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this boner is exhausting
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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