I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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