i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to sanitize my soul.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
