There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
