Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
