sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
