1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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