Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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