i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
