Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize