Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
