she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
