Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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