Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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