I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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