porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
