I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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