i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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