I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
