I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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