We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize