Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
