She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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