happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
