I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
