He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I AM VODKA MAN
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
