she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she smelled like a LAN party
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
