I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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