you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
