She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm at about main and main street
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
