I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
