I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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