I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
