So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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