normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
