You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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