Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
