captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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