It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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