I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
